


Songs of Separation

by lyndin_junes



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Inspired by Music, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Song: Mr. Brightside (The Killers), bear with me I promise the ending is going to be totally worth it, souyo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:35:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27653513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyndin_junes/pseuds/lyndin_junes
Summary: Today is the day that Yu Narukami will be leaving Inaba; luckily, his friends prepared him an album of self-made songs to listen to on the train ride home. All of his friends pitched in, but the tracklist clearly favors Yosuke, who hopes that his music can communicate the deep feelings he has for Yu in a way he himself could not.—————————————————This fic is an interactive musical experience that combines reading with music! It's a very experimental format, but I hope it's fun!On hiatus for an indefinite amount of time while I work on other projects and pursue other interests. Thank you for your patience!
Relationships: Hanamura Yosuke/Narukami Yu, Hanamura Yosuke/Persona 4 Protagonist, Hanamura Yosuke/Seta Souji
Comments: 60
Kudos: 38





	1. Requiem for a Partner

**Author's Note:**

> I'm BACK binches--I promise I didn't forget about this work!
> 
> I definitely made this one longer 1000% on purpose to thank you all for waiting so patiently for this chapter. I definitely didn't do it to because I got lost in self-indulgent metaphors or anything. 
> 
> Anyway, stream Moona Festival by Polyenso and enjoy <3

**i. Guess It's Time To Go**

Yu awoke to golden rays of sun streaming in through his bedroom window and the sound of birds frantically chirping out their jubilant springtime chorales. He yawned and sleepily rubbed his eyes, still too groggy to realize the gravity of the day he had awoken to.

Then it dawned on him: It was the morning of the day he was leaving Inaba. 

This reality struck as jarringly as a bolt of lighting from a clear sky, the realization booming in his head like a stroke of thunder that crescendoed to a deafening roar and rattled him to his very core. Good lord, he didn’t want to leave. 

He sighed heavily, rolled out of his futon, and reluctantly changed into the clothes he had laid out the night before. His duffle bag had also been pre-emptively packed and laid almost expectantly by his bedroom door. As organized as he liked to be, he almost wished he hadn’t been so prepared for his departure, as it meant he was all too close to leaving the place he had come to call home.

He trudged down the stairs to the living room, where Dojima and Nanako were polishing off their breakfast. “Good morning,” he said with a flat affect. 

“Hey, Yu,” Dojima said casually. His stoic demeanor belied the undeniable sadness he felt about his nephew returning to Tokyo. Hell, he was more than a nephew to him--he had come to see Yu as nothing less than his son. He knew that the house would feel hollow without his presence, but he also knew that he had to be strong for Nanako, whose eyes were already welling with tears. 

Before Yu could respond to his uncle, Nanako practically sprinted to where Yu stood and violently threw her tiny frame around his legs into a tight hug. 

“Big bro,” she said, tearfully. “Please, please, please don’t leave!” 

Yu’s startled expression quickly morphed into that of tender sadness, looking at his newfound little sister with a look of perfectly balanced adoration and melancholy.

“I wish I didn’t have to, Nanako,” Yu sighed, his voice wavering with dejection. “I really do.” 

Nanako sniffled mournfully as bitter tears rolled gently down her youthful cheeks. Her face was flushed and visibly strained; Yu could tell that she had been desperately trying not to cry. Yu stooped to match her height and gently wrapped her in the warmest, most big-brotherly hug he could muster.

Yu glanced over at the clock, which displayed that it was already 8:30; it quickly flashed to show 8:31 instead, as if it were mocking him. They’d have to leave for the station soon in order to meet his friends for a proper send off before his train left promptly at 9 o’clock. 

“You ready to go?” Dojima asked, his voice gentler and softer than before. He offered a small, hopeful smile, hoping his display of fatherly warmth would assuage the two despondent youths. 

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Yu replied. There was a hint of sharp derision buried in his words, but Dojima knew that his disdain was directed at Yu’s situation rather than at him. 

The trio sauntered reluctantly to Dojima’s vehicle, and Yu noted that his body felt much heavier than usual. Man, this sucked. 

**ii. The Sendoff**

His friends had already congregated at the station, and they watched expectantly as Yu hoisted himself out of the passenger side of Dojima’s car. The sight of his friends put a spring in his step; he didn’t want to waste a single, precious moment of their fleeting presence. 

Although his entourage was sad to see him leave, they knew that they shared unbreakable bonds that could not be severed by even the greatest of distances. Each of his friends took turns offering Yu their heartfelt, bittersweet goodbyes, each perfectly embodying their truest selves in their carefully constructed words. 

Yosuke went last. 

“Well, this is it,” he said with a forcefully brazen wink. As bold as he looked in the moment, he was heartbroken at his core. There was so much he had wanted to tell Yu that he hadn’t found the opportunity-no, that he hadn’t the _courage_ \--to say. God, he felt so stupid. He knew it was far too late to tell Yu how utterly in love he’d fallen with him over the course of the last year, but he could feel the confession welling eagerly at the tip of his tongue. He swallowed his urge to gush about his true feelings, and instead directed his attention to the diminutive, fateful object cradled in his pocked. 

“I uh, wanted to give you this, to remember me--” he stumbled over his words as he realized what he’d said “I-I mean, uh, _all_ of us by!” After clearing his throat and regaining his composure, he turned back to Yu and thrust an orange iPod shuffle into his hands. 

"This is so generous of you all, thank you so much," Yu said as he offered a grateful smile. 

“That's not even the best part, partner!" A cheeky grin spread across his face, positively glowing with pride. "I have _no_ idea how we pulled this off without you noticing, but we all got together and decided to record some songs we wrote for you."

Yu’s eyes flew open wide and his jaw slackened a bit, in awe of the feat his friends had pulled off, all for the sake of crafting such a special memento. He felt his face soften and grateful tears begin to well up in his eyes; he had never received such a thoughtful gift. 

“I wrote a song for you too, big bro! Everyone helped me write the words and sang and played instruments with me, it was so much fun!” Nanako chimed, her face suddenly alight. It was a welcome contrast to the inconsolable gloom she’d been projecting all morning. 

“Chie and I didn’t have a chance to write songs of our own, but we did contribute some backup vocals and instrumentals for a lot of the tracks,” Yukiko explained. 

“Yeah, I’m really sorry I didn’t write my own, but I’m just not the type of gal who wants to belt out a solo, ya know?” Chie continued with a wince. “Ugh, just the thought of it makes my stomach do somersaults!” 

“Singin's not my strong suit, I kinda sounded like a dying frog,” Kanji said, a hint of shame in his voice. “But I gave it my all on the drums for you, Senpai!” His mouth curled up into a precious smile that softened his rugged complexion.

“I contributed my fair share of vocals,” Naoto added matter-of-factly. “However, my emphasis was the keyboard and synth, and I also helped Yosuke with the editing, mixing, and mastering after we had finished recording.” A proud smolder crept across their face. 

“Of _course_ I wrote one for you too, Senpai,” Rise interjected, her voice dripping with honeyed vanity. Although she had been sobbing a moment ago, she was suddenly very cool and collected. “Don’t forget how lucky you are to have _the_ Risette write a song _just_ for you!” She cooed, her expression complete with puppy dog eyes and an adoring pout resting easily on her lips. “Haha, just kidding! But I do hope you like it!”

“I wrote one for you too, Sensei!~” Teddie proclaimed exuberantly. “I bet you thought I’d be one to sing _bear_ -itone, but I actually have the most _bear-_ tiful falsetto you’d ever heard! Plus I really know how to tickle the Daddy guitar~" 

“ _Some_ one sure has a lot of confidence,” Yosuke chided playfully. “And really Ted, you _gotta_ stop calling it a Daddy guitar. Where the hell did you even get that from?" He paused for emphasis, then he said, slowly and deliberately: "It's. Called. A. _Bass._ And chill with those dumb bear puns while you're at it, dammit!" he chided playfully.

Yosuke then focused his attention back at Yu, completely deaf to Teddie’s acerbic protests and counterpoints. He couldn’t help but notice the way Yu’s eyes were still alight with mirth and limitless gratitude beneath his perfectly side swept bangs; his porcelain skin shone like silvery moonlight, adorned with a delicate, precious blush that he couldn’t tear his eyes away from. And those eyes--those damn eyes--with their silver specks that shimmered with the brilliance of a million stars. God, he was going to miss seeing his partner's gorgeous face every day. 

His adoring gaze was blatantly obvious to Yu, and he eagerly returned his fervent look. Yosuke’s sharp, saccharine attention poured languidly from his brilliant amber eyes, which were akin to deep pools of honey as they resonated with the bright morning sunlight. ‘ _Still_ ,’ Yu thought, _‘even the sun itself could never rival my partner’_ . He was simply too beautiful, too incandescent. _‘If only I’d ever brought myself to say so,’_ Yu thought, practically mournful. 

When Yosuke noticed himself becoming transfixed by Yu’s beautiful, ethereal face, he forced himself to snap back into focus, feeling just a bit embarrassed by how transfixed he'd been. “Give it a listen on the ride back, won’t you partner?” He winked. “Let us know what you think!”

“I definitely will,” Yu replied with a warm smile. He had already retrieved his earbuds from his pocket and eagerly connected them to the headphone jack. “Thank you guys so much.”

The group of friends chattered on a bit longer until Dojima reluctantly interjected. “I hate to cut your goodbyes short, but you really should get on the train soon,” Dojima suggested dolefully. 

“Yeah, you’re right,” Yu solemnly agreed. 

Nanako rushed at him for one last tearful hug, and Dojima offered a firm handshake that wordlessly conveyed the deep sense of gratitude and fatherly love he harbored for Yu. His friends waited expectantly as Yu turned away to approach the platform. 

He was jarred by how suddenly eager he was to take his seat on the train so he could delve into the artistic endeavor his friends had so graciously undertaken. Nevertheless, he gingerly trudged toward the platform, resisting the temptation to look back at his friends for fear that he wouldn’t be able to stifle the tears that threatened to spring forth from his eyes at any moment. 

He claimed a seat near the back of the train, having seen that his friends had followed him to where they stood outside his window, waving urgently and gleefully. Shortly after, the train lurched forward.

His friends ran behind, shouting their final goodbyes, wishes for safe travels, and promises to see each other again soon; they kept pace as staccato ticks of the train’s wheels against the track accelerated at a steady rhythm. Once they reached the end of the platform, they stopped short and flailed their arms in farewell as the distance between them and their dear friend grew wider and wider. 

**iii. After Yu Left**

Yosuke, now sure that his surreptitiously beloved partner was out of sight, was completely washed by a wave of gloom. Astute as ever, Naoto quickly noticed his display of emotion.

“You never told him how you felt, did you?” They deduced with a sigh. All he could do was shake his head in response.

“Ugh, you _idiot_ ,” Chie rapped with bitter compassion in her voice. “How did you have a _whole year_ to tell him you have a huge crush on him and _still_ not do it?” 

“Maybe he’ll figure it out once he hears the songs he wrote for you,” Yukiko suggested hopefully. “After all, it's hard not to notice that the lyrics are as romantic as they are angsty.” 

“You think so? Is it too obvious?? Oh god, do you think it's gonna weird him out???” Yosuke interrogated anxiously. He was suddenly _very_ self-conscious of the fact that he had been the only one to write more than one song for him. 

“No, you big dummy! It’s _so_ obvious that he had just as big of a crush on you!” Rise reproved.

“You really think so? Or are you just saying that to make me feel better about how I’m not gonna see him for _months_?” Yosuke grimaced. “And hey, why the hell didn’t you guys say something sooner if you knew he liked me so much?!”

”I thought it was so obvious that we didn’t need to bother, I guess,” Rise shrugged.

“Hey, we’ll all miss him too Senpai,” Kanji said with surprising tenderness. “But I’m freakin’ positive he’s gonna miss _you_ the most.” This comment brought a small smile to rest upon Yosuke’s lips. 

“Don’t worry Yosuke, I’m _sure_ you’ll get to score with Sensei someday soon!~” Teddy chimed. “But I’m kind of jealous that you’ll have such a hot stud all to yourself,” he pouted. 

“Ugh, shut it, you pervy bear,” Yosuke grumbled, his face suddenly flushing a deep crimson. "And since when are _you_ into guys?"

"It's not like that, Sensei's the only man for me~," Teddie replied cheerfully.

Yosuke rolled his eyes, but couldn't suppress the small, tender smile that soon graced his lips. "Same here, Ted. Same here."

They chatted a bit longer before deciding that there was nothing left for them at the train station, and most of the friends soon parted ways for the day in order to process the heavy feelings they all harbored about their dear Yu's departure. 

Teddie and Yosuke, however, briefly lingered at the very edge of the platform; the two boys shared a pregnant silence as the others sauntered off the platform, homeward bound.

"And hey," Yosuke began, "I really am proud of you, you learned to play that bass so well and so _fast,"_

"What can I say," Teddie began boastfully, "I've got magic fingers~," he giggled, a hint of teenage horniness in his voice. "Thank you for teaching me Yosuke!" He paused again, thoughtfully this time. "Maybe I should call _you_ Sensei," he declared, as if struck by an epiphany.

Yosuke smiled mirthfully and offered a gentle laugh, then placed a big-brotherly arm around Teddie's shoulders. "Let's get you home, dude. You have a double shift at Junes tomorrow, after all," He admonished, then continued solemnly. "Once I drop you off, I've got somewhere to be." 

Yosuke led Teddie back to the Hanamura residence, then made his way back to the Samegawa Riverbank. There, a requiem for the moments he’d shared with his best friend--his _partner_ \--resounded wistfully in his mind.

In the meantime, Yu shoved the earbuds into his eager ears and pressed play. 


	2. Analog Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I could touch the night.  
> I could feel just fine.  
> I could see your eyes,  
> as gray as they were, and I  
> was getting better at being alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw/ mention of self-harm and suicidal ideation  
> Listen through Analog Boy by DBMK (or put it on repeat) while you read!  
> Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLmzflHr33Atdzmd38kpiBU3NcxQu5mu15   
> Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5AvHp91d4h72QBvKW6sA4P 

**i. I Hear You, You Analog Boy**

“Yo, partner,” Yosuke began.He sounded quite excited at first, but his optimistic display was followed by a brief, tentative pause. 

“I call this one _Analog Boy_ ; I don’t really know how to explain what it’s about...” he trailed off, a hint of embarrassment evident in his voice. “...but it’s definitely about _you_. S-so, I uh, I hope the music speaks for itself.”

Yu couldn’t help but think that his voice alone, even with as tense and diffident as he sounded, was already sweet music to his ears. He felt bad that Yosuke was so nervous; he wished he could reassure him that he had been looking forward to his tracks the most of all.

“Anyway,” Yosuke continued. “This is the first song I’ve _ever_ written, so go easy on me, ‘kay?” Yu could practically hear his adorable, hallmark wink projected through his playful tone. Yosuke cleared his throat as he continued. “Welp, here goes nothing!” 

There was a brief interlude of static as the track transitioned into his partner’s first song. 

**~ Begin listening to** **_Analog Boy_ ** **by DBMK on[Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/2YmYA84rQ6nApvUYpdUIhZ?si=d9d89c416192418f) or [Youtube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RK70fhzTBL4) ~**

( **0:00** ) -- As the opening hiss oscillated swiftly between his ears, Yu felt his breath catch in his throat, almost as if he were suddenly enveloped in thick, stifling fog. He felt every muscle in his body clench anxiously in response to the menacing, yet ephemeral sound.

( **0:09** ) -- After the longest handful of seconds he had endured in ages, he heard as Naoto gently pressed their fingers to the keys of the synth; a soothing chord washed over him, offering refuge from the malevolence of the foggy drone that eventually faded into nothingness. 

The unyielding chord rang out warmly, unabated by the mercurial, arrhythmic din of scratches and ringing weaving in and out of the sound. 

A low, deep thrum bled into the euphony as Teddie’s fingers smoothly slid down each fret until he reached the tonic of the chord. Yu let out a relieved sigh as his nerves gradually relented to the soothing, harmonious hums. 

( **0:36** ) Suddenly, two rhythmic thumps of Kanji’s drum punctuated the languid tones; then, a poignant, angsty guitar lick kicked in. 

Yu was instantly transfixed by the clear thrums that buzzed against his eardrums, his mind’s eye quickly visualizing the crystal clear image of Yosuke’s adept fingers working the strings of his favorite yellow guitar. The corners of his mouth turned up in a smile, unprepared for what was to come. 

( **0:51** ) Yu was violently struck by the striking, strident cry that erupted from Yosuke’s diaphragm in tandem with his quiet pleas--he felt his heart instantly shatter in his chest.

_Please don’t go._

_Please don’t go._

_Please don’t go._

_Please_ _don’t go._

_Please don’t go._

_Please don’t go._

_Please don’t go._

He couldn’t decide if this shellshock was evoked by the brilliant quality of Yosuke’s timbre--somehow both powerful and tender at once--or by the palpable anguish belied by his confidently soaring voice. 

( **1:06** ) Yu was more than a bit relieved when Naoto erupted into meticulous arpeggios on the synth, distracting him from his pensiveness; he felt his head begin to bop easily with their upbeat cadence. 

As Yu thought back to their performance at Junes--for which they were all so nervous and unsure of--he deeply admired how far they’d all come as musicians since that moment. 

( **1:21** ) Yosuke’s voice sounded tranquil and nostalgic, beautifully complemented by the harmony Teddie sang above him:

_I could touch the night._

Yu suddenly recalled the night they visited the Samegawa Riverbank together; the waters were so calm and reflective that it looked as if they could scoop a handful of stars right out of the frigid waters and hold them in the palms of their hands. 

_I could feel just fine._

He could clearly envision Yosuke and himself sitting contently along the edge of the lapping water. Yosuke turned to meet his gaze, and their eyes softly lingered comfortably on the other’s for a long while.

_I could see your eyes,_

_as grey as they were_

“Partner,” Yosuke began, almost breathlessly as he broke the comfortable silence. “Your eyes look so nice in the moonlight; they’re _so_ silver.” 

Yosuke suddenly realized what he’d said and blushed furiously in the pale moonlight. “J-just remember that you’re the _only_ dude I’d ever say this sappy crap to,” 

_and I was getting better at being alive._

His face quickly softened as he continued. “You’re just…special to me. You make my life so much better just by being in it.” 

Yu was so grateful to his partner for helping him relive such a precious moment through his music.

( **1:51** ) In an instant, Yosuke’s voice rang out alone, detached and borderline sarcastic. There was no instrumentation to support him save for a sliding, rumbling bass line.

_I was heavy into everything._

_You were heavy into innocence._

_You asked me ‘was I keepin’ clean?’_

_'I dunno, can you check my wrists?’_

Yu felt his throat constrict and his heart sink into the soles of his shoes as he realized what Yosuke was alluding to. As distraught as he was, he managed to suppress the memory, eager to continue listening to the song his dear partner had poured his heart and soul into. 

He winced once more as Yosuke continued with another refrain, but this time he had sufficiently steeled himself against the sharp sting of the lyrics. 

_‘I dunno, can you check myyyyyy…’_

( **2:22** ) _What if it just… ?_

Yu was shell-shocked and enraptured by the intense drop that juxtaposed the tender, vulnerable moment that had preceded it. Yu could feel as his heart emulated the beat of the vigorous, syncopated pounding of Kanji’s drums. He was bewitched by the way Yosuke’s strums were suddenly raw and overdriven, the spiky haired boy’s vehement shredding shaking him to his very core. The steady pulse of the bassline Teddie was pounding out below seemed like the only thing that grounded his soul within his body as the music blared in his ears. 

Yu could even feel Izanagi-no-Okami stir within him as he was struck by the electrifying sound, impervious to Zio skills as he was. 

( **2:49** ) Yosuke cried out once again, his voice ringing out with all the angst and brilliance in the world: 

_Ohhhhhh,_

_I hear you, you analog boy._

_I hear you, you analog boy._

_I hear you, you analog boy._

_I know that you don’t feel a thing._

Yu felt a tight sensation spread throughout his chest with each phrase; he was nearly deafened by the dissonance between the lyrics that repeatedly rolled off his partner’s tongue and what he felt deep inside. Yu desperately wished Yosuke were here with him, so that he could _make_ him hear all the things he _did_ feel.

_I hear you, you analog boy._

_I hear you, you analog boy._

_I hear you, you analog boy._

_I know that you don’t feel a thing…_

Bittersweet tears welled in his eyes as his partner allowed his voice to soar into the sun itself toward the end of the phrase, as dazzling as it was agonizing. He couldn’t resist the impulse to thrash his head along to the thundering beat; it was too good of a song--truly, a _banger_ \--not to jam the fuck out to it. 

**(3:22)** _I hear you, you analog boy._

_I fear you, you analog boy._

Yu was stirred and confused by the words he was hearing over and over. Yosuke’s voice sounded so raw, so strong, and yet so, so vulnerable.

_I hear you, you analog boy._

_I fear you, you analog boy._

_'Yosuke is... afraid?’_ he winced. Drums booming all the while, his foot was compelled to pound along headlong in spite of his anguish. 

_I hear you, you analog boy._

_I fear you, you analog boy._

He suddenly remembered that this song was about _him_ ; _he_ was the subject of Yosuke’s fear. _‘W-why… is he afraid of_ me _?’_

_I hear you, you analog boy._

_I fear you, you analog boy._

_‘Yosuke, why are you afraid???’_

Yu desperately hoped for the song to continue, but instead he was met with an abrupt cutoff; the song was over. The analog boy himself was deafened by the sudden silence.

**ii. I Dunno, Can You Check My Wrists?**

As much as he had appreciated the song--god _damn_ , it was an absolute _banger_ \--Yu couldn’t help but feel unsettled by the sentiments Yosuke had expressed through his stunning performance. 

The lyrics that had troubled him the most-- _‘I dunno, can you check my wrists?’--_ blasted in his mind like the strident, maddening feedback of a faulty speaker; as he ruminated on the lyrics, he was quickly overcome by a vivid flashback. 

He was taken back to a day a few months after Saki’s body had been discovered. Earlier that day, a pensive Yosuke had asked Yu to meet him at the Samegawa. His eyes were cast upon the ground, clearly brimming with overwhelming sadness as he spoke. He tightly clutched a small photograph in his hand.

“...I found this. It’s a Print Club Sticker I took with Saki-senpai…” he began. “When I first got here, she insisted on taking it…” 

Yu stood silent, intently listening as Yosuke continued. 

“Even when it seemed like everyone in this town totally hated me, Saki-senpai was there. Whenever I’d start feeling bad or like I was totally alone, she’d always tell me: ‘It doesn’t matter what they think. You’re you, and that’s what counts’.

“For a long time, she was the only good thing about this dumb place… but then…” he trailed off, a pained wince plastered on his face as his eyes welled with tears.

“...She died,” Yu replied with a sad tinge in his voice. 

“W-why?... Why did she have to go and die like that?” Yosuke replied, his voice swelling with emotion. “Even if she didn’t feel the same way about me, or even if she _hated_ me, she was the _only_ thing th-that kept me going,” his tears finally overflowed onto his cheeks as he continued.

“It p-probably sounds crazy, but I-I…” he hiccuped. “Sometimes I’d just rather be _dead_ , so I can be with her again.”

Yu's breath hitched at Yosuke's confession as a chill washed over him. He had absolutely no clue just how badly Yosuke was hurting. 

"Th-there's something else I wanted to confess..." Yosuke continued reluctantly as pulled the sleeves of his jacket up, revealing the many cuts--some fresh, some healed and scarred--that marred his delicate forearms. “Th-the pain and sadness just wouldn’t stop... I c-couldn't take it anymore, so... I s-started doing this, and soon enough I c-couldn’t stop myself,” he struggled to speak through sobs that shook his whole body, his unrelenting anguish bringing him entirely beyond shame. 

“I’m s-so sorry, partner,” Yosuke choked out. “I probably seem like such a fucking crybaby, or some kind of lunatic, and I don’t blame you if you n-never want to speak to me again… I mean, who would _actually_ want a friend like this? I’m so fucking _selfish_ that I want to die even when I have friends who care about me... I just drag everyone down so much it’s not even funny...” 

“ _Please_ Yosuke,” Yu interrupted as he placed a conciliatory hand on his partner’s shoulder. “Don’t you _dare_ apologize to me.” 

Yosuke shot a fearful glance in Yu’s direction, his cheeks stained with tears; Yu met his tentative gaze with a sad, compassionate smile and glassy eyes. 

“I-I didn’t even notice how much _pain_ you were in,” Yu’s voice broke as he continued. “I should be apologizing to _you_ for being such a bad friend; how could I have missed this?“

Yosuke couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. “N-no, partner, it’s totally fine,” Yosuke replied, his voice low and despondent. “I didn’t want to make anyone worry about me, I’m really not worth the trouble anyway…” 

“Yosuke, that’s _not true!_ ” Yu cried, his voice replete with frantic emotion. “You mean _everything_ to me!”

Yosuke’s jaw slackened a bit at this declaration. He, _Yosuke_ , meant _everything_ to him?

 _“Please_ , the next time you feel like you need to do this to yourself, call me instead,” Yu continued passionately. “I’m _begging_ you. Even if it’s the middle of the night. Literally _any_ time. Please, _p-promise me_ you will,” he urged, his voice catching as his eyes began to overflow with anxious, empathetic tears. 

Yosuke felt as if his face were on fire, his bloodshot eyes beginning to well with tears again just from seeing Yu cry. It was almost jarring to see his partner, who was typically unwaveringly stolid and composed, clearly overcome by his emotions, all because of _him_. 

“O-okay… I-, I promise, partner,” he replied breathlessly, a small, sad smile creeping onto his tear-stained face

Yu couldn’t bear to see Yosuke so overcome with sadness; noticing that they were alone on the floodplain, he simply couldn’t refrain from wrapping Yosuke in a tight, reassuring embrace. To Yu’s surprise, Yosuke eagerly reciprocated, uncharacteristically appreciative of the “girly” gesture he would adamantly spurn on any other day. Yosuke let himself slump into Yu’s arms and buried his face in his shoulder, his slender frame wracked with quiet sobs. 

After a long while, he pulled away slightly and sniffled, still embraced by Yu’s powerful, gentle arms. 

“Thank you, Yu…I’m so grateful that you’re my friend and that you’re not giving up on me right now, even though I’m probably such a burden,” he whispered, choking on his words as he spoke. 

“ _Yosuke_ ,” Yu replied, his voice emphatic and dripping with compassion. “You are _never_ a burden. I’ll always care about you, partner, even at your lowest. Nothing can change that.”

Yosuke offered a small smile as he lingered in Yu’s warm embrace, mollified by his partner’s genuine concern for him and the loving way he’d used their pet name for each other. Yu recalled how desperately had wished he could hold and protect his dear friend, his _partner_ , like this for all eternity. He did his best to keep a tender, watchful eye on Yosuke, checking in often to assure that he was keeping clean. 

He snapped back to reality, suddenly feeling as if there were no gravity to hold him to the Earth. 

Was Yosuke going to relapse now that he’d left him behind? 

Is he going to lose his partner? 

In all his uncertainty, Yu could only be sure of the keen sense of guilt burgeoning within him. _He_ was the muse that inspired Yosuke’s beautiful, heartbreaking performance, and he was afraid that _he_ would be his dear partner’s undoing.

**iii. I Fear You, You Analog Boy**

Meanwhile, Yosuke had sat himself along the edge of the Samegawa, where he pondered what Yu might be thinking of Analog Boy. 

“Shit, shit, _shit_ ,” he exclaimed under his breath, anxiety coursing through his blood. “I can’t even _imagine_ what he thinks of it…” 

He, too, thought back to the second verse and desperately hoped he hadn’t worried his partner; honestly, he had forgotten why he’d included those particular lyrics at all. Maybe to remind his partner of how he’d supported him through thick and thin, and how much he appreciated him for it? Yosuke himself knew that this is what he’d meant to say, but was that the same message Yu received? He reflected on just how vulnerable he had made himself through the lyrical content he had decided on.

If Yosuke was honest with himself, he couldn't deny that his wrists had begun to crave the old familiar pain now that Yu was gone, but he refused to let himself slip back into such darkness; Yu had taught him too much strength for him to let that happen.

He also pondered the final refrain, just as Yu had: ‘ _I fear you, you analog boy.’_ Yosuke was deliberately vague in their construction, but he knew exactly what they meant to himself. 

Without a shadow of a doubt, Yosuke knew he had fallen head over heels for Yu, and holy _shit_ , did that terrify him. He was terrified that Yu wouldn’t reciprocate his feelings, even though their friends were absolutely _positive_ that he would. He was terrified of what others might think if he decided he wanted to be with a boy instead of a girl. But most of all, he was terrified to fully accept these feelings. He was supposed to be _straight_ , and being in love with his male best friend was anything but. He just couldn’t reconcile his feelings with the vehement disgust he’d felt toward all things gay as long as he could remember. 

Yosuke tried his best to redirect his attention to the flowing river in front of him, hoping the gentle current and lapping waves would wash away his thoughts and all the noise that came with them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fingers crossed this made any sense at all, lol. Thank you so much for reading! Please feel free to offer criticism, I haven't done much fic writing and would love to improve ^_^
> 
> Also, thank you to those who have left kudos! <3
> 
> Edit: I keep going back and adding even more hurt to section ii, yes I am a fkcing monster


	3. Queensway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teddie performs his song, Queensway (by Coral Bones), and Yu reminisces on some cherished moments with his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give the song Queensway a listen before you read!  
> The playlist is available on:  
> Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLmzflHr33Atdzmd38kpiBU3NcxQu5mu15   
> Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5AvHp91d4h72QBvKW6sA4P 

**i. How To See Sunlight**

“Hellohs there, Sensei!” Teddie shouted through his earbuds. “It’s my turn next! _Yay~_ !! I wrote this little diddy all by myself, and I’m _bear_ -y proud of it~” Teddie continued boastfully.

“ _You KNOW that’s bullshit, Bear, we helped you plenty!”_ he heard Yosuke protest in the background. 

“I call it: Queensway! TA-DAAAAH!!” Teddie bellowed, unaffected by Yosuke’s grumblings. “Now open up your ear holes and pre- _bear_ yourself for the musical experience of a lifetime!” 

Yu chuckled to himself, then sunk comfortably into his seat as he waited for the music to begin. 

**~ Listen to** **_Queensway_ ** **by Coral Bones on[Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/2ZEcbXJgLAIpjVEtTr7xa1?si=32347c75a8544540) or [Youtube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDM2NsMl2d4) ~**

At first, the tinny, 8-bit quality of each keystroke was reminiscent of their grueling time in Mistuo’s channel, but the Investigation Team’s performance had transformed that sound into something light-hearted and _fun_ . Yu couldn’t help but chuckle at the way Teddie had _really_ leaned into the word “bear” on the second lyric--of _course_ he would. Nanako’s feature during the pre-chorus was an unexpected, but oh-so pleasant surprise; the only thing he’d ever heard Nanako sing was the Junes theme, and hearing her sing just those couple lines made him very eager to hear her solo piece. To Yu’s ear, the song had perfectly embodied Teddie’s jubilant essence, and he absolutely adored that. 

It had also reminded him of a conversation he’d had with Teddie earlier that spring, right around when the cherry blossoms had begun to bloom. Yu and the Investigation Team had made their way to the riverbank for a blossom viewing party, complete with a picnic Yu and Nanako had prepared together the night before. She hadn’t tagged along because she had plans of her own with some friends from her class. 

“Oh, Sensei, how can I treat these hunger pangs!? Teddie is wasting away over here!” Teddie cried.

“Sensei and Nanako made some lunch for us last night, remember? You’d make such a great husband, Senpai~” Rise cooed with a flirtatious blush. Yu offered naught but a nervous smile in response.

“Whoopsie, I totally forgot! One of _everything_ for me, coming right up!~” the blonde boy chimed. 

Yu grabbed a bento box off the stack and handed it to him. “Here you go, Teddie--but don’t take too much all at once.” 

“You’re so wise beyond your years, Sensei--what am I gonna do without your daily wisdoms!?” Teddie huffed through a morsel of ganmodoki.

“Consider yourself lucky _I’ll_ still be around to babysit you,” Yosuke groaned. “Here’s _my_ wisdom for you--don’t talk with your mouth full, it’s freaking nasty!”

“But you can be so _mean_ , Yosuke--you’ve got fiery veins! Sensei is so much _nicer_ ,” Teddie griped.

“Ugh, do you two have to fight over _everything_? I mean, sheesh, just take a breath and look at the pretty flowers!” Chie barked.

“Yes, they certainly are beautiful,” Yukiko agreed. “A nice sprinkle rain would make them even more beautiful.”

“Ah, yes, I’ve heard a light drizzle can do wonders for the blossoms aesthetically,” Naoto interjected.

“Oo, pretty flowers are pretty! I’ll be sure to pray for everyone in Inaba to pray for rain so we can see them at their most bear-tiful!” Teddie exclaimed. 

“Uh, wouldn’t that kinda ruin our whole picnic though?... I mean, who wants to try and eat in the damn rain??” Kanji asked. 

“To be honest, rain still makes me kind of nervous…” Rise sighed. “Back when the murders were still happening, rain always meant that the fog was coming soon. And then that stupid permafog just _had_ to come rolling in--everything was just dark and awful!”

“The fog certainly wasn’t good,” Yu acquiesced. “But if it weren’t for the fog, we may have never met Teddie or got to know him so well.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right! It was the two of us that met him first, right partner?” Yosuke recalled. “He roped us into figuring out how to get rid of the fog--some nerve you had, making us do that after yelling at us and calling us suspicious!”

“I was only defending myself! And I think I was right to be worried about _you_ , Yosuke--you’ve got fiery veins!”

“What does that even _mean_ , Ted?” Yosuke whined. “And you’re one to talk--can’t I have _one_ speechless day from you? You never shut up, dude!”

The two boys bickered back and forth at one another for a grip. Yu couldn’t help but smile at how brotherly the two had grown over the months of the investigation, even if it meant they were at each other’s throats at times. Eventually, Yu decided to change the subject.

“Hey, Ted, however did you make those glasses that we used in the TV world? And how did you know they’d help us through the fog?”

“Well, Sensei, you see--I had a lot of free time all alone in the TV world, so I needed a hobby to pass the time. I knew that my eyes were special and let me see through it, so all I had to do was make the lenses just like my eyeballs! Ta-daaah!” Teddie explained. 

“Uh, do you have an explanation that makes more sense than that?...” Yosuke requested in earnest. “How do you make something ‘just like your eyeballs’!?”

“Eeeyup, I don’t get it either…” Chie sighed. 

“I kind of don’t care how he made them, I’m just glad they worked,” Rise exclaimed. “I could see a lot of things with my Persona, but it would’ve been extra annoying if I couldn’t see with my own eyes!

“Yes, we should really thank you for showing us how to see the light in that world, Teddie,” Yukiko suggested. “We could have gotten totally lost in that fog if it weren’t for you.” 

“Ooh, are you prepared to bow down and kiss my feet, Yukiko? I swear to be a benevolent king to you, my loyal subject~” Teddie cried.

“Back the heck off, Teddie!” Chie retorted. “I don’t care how cute you are over here, you don’t stand a _chance_ with Yukiko!”

“Aw, Chie, did I just hear you say that I’m cute? I’m still accepting applications for new consorts, you know!~” 

“N-no freakin’ _way_ , Teddie!” Chie yelped, looking ready to subject the flirtatious boy to an especially forceful Galactic Punt.

“You’ve got no one to blame but yourself for that one, Chie--you went and stroked his ego!” Yosuke teased. Chie simply gave Yosuke a good punch in the arm, hard enough to leave him gripping his bicep and squawking in protest.

“Why stroke my ego when you _could_ be stroking my luscious fur?” Teddie cooed. 

Eventually, Naoto shifted the topic away from Teddie’s awkward flirting and back to the TV glasses. “It’s a bit ironic, isn’t it? To see in the fog, we had to cover our eyes with glasses,” they mused.

“Uh, is it really coverin’ ‘em if you can see through the lenses?...” Kanji questioned. 

“Hmm… yes, I suppose that’s a good point…” Naoto trailed off, blushing.

The Investigation Team spent the rest of the afternoon together, and they parted ways once the sun began to dip below the horizon. It was a fond memory--one Yu was glad to share with Teddie and the rest of his friends. 

**ii. London Bound**

His thoughts shifted to something Teddie had said at the station earlier today--a rather long exchange they’d shared after Teddie announced he planned to return to the TV world.

“A-are you sure you’ll be okay going back there, Teddie?” Yu pondered with concern. 

“Well, I don’t think I’ll be there _all_ the time--I like it here too much!” Teddie replied. “Maybe I’ll just sleep there on the nice, soft grass.. I think it would be much comfier than Yosuke’s closet.”

“What the heck Yosuke, you make him sleep in your _closet_!?” Chie bellowed.

“W-well, what else was I supposed to do with him, let him snuggle up to me in bed every damn night!?” Yosuke argued.

“That actually sounds pretty nice,” Yu considered, completely oblivious to how flirtatious he sounded.

“U-uh, I, um…” Yosuke babbled, cheeks dusted with a rosy pink blush. 

“See Yosuke, even Sensei wants to snuggle me! With silky soft fur like mine, who can blame him?~” he chirped. “Although, I bet he’d rather snuggle _you_ , Yosuke…”

“W-what the heck!? Damn it, dude… Why do you _have_ to say stuff like that in front of everyone?...” he pouted. 

“Oopsie, sorry Yosuke--won’t happen again!” Teddie hollered. 

Yu raised an eyebrow at Yosuke, whose embarrassed gaze was focused on _anything_ but him. He chuckled softly to himself, thinking Yosuke was nothing more than embarrassed by what he assumed to be nothing more than a joke. Of course, that wasn’t the whole story--Yosuke had (inadvertently) confessed his feelings about Yu to Teddie in a moment of weakness, and the bear naturally forgot that it was a secret at times. Still, Yu couldn’t couldn’t help but admire how _cute_ he was at this moment. The way his cheeks were tinted a rosy pink, the way he was biting his lip softly as he pouted, the glimmer in his eyes--it was almost too much for Yu to handle. Eventually, Yosuke noticed that he was staring, which only served to make him blush even harder. 

“Anyway, Sensei, don’t worry about little ol’ Teddie--I’m gonna find a home somewhere in bear-tween here and the TV world. I promised Nana-chan that I’d help her grow a garden over here this year, and I have to keep my promises!”

He paused thoughtfully with a finger to his chin. “And if I _really_ start to hate it over there, I’ll just burn it down and blend all the ashes into the ground~”

“W-whoa, that got real dark _real_ fast…” Kanji noted.

“Snrk…” Yukiko chortled, amused by the goofy remark. “That’s such an unreasonable reaction, ahahaha!” 

“Or maybe I’ll even go to _London_! Land of tea and scones” Teddie cried excitedly.

“Where’d you get _that_ idea, you goofy bear?” Yosuke groaned. “Do you have any idea how much a plane ticket to get over there costs? I’m pretty sure you’ll never make enough at Junes to get one, _especially_ not with how much cash you drop on manga and swimsuit mags in a week.” 

“Hmm, you may be right...” Teddie thought. “But you’re a master budgeter, right Yosuke? Look at how long you’ve been saving for a motorcycle! Teach me your ways, O Great Frugal One!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll teach you,” Yosuke relented. “But only if you never call me that _ever_ again, ‘kay?”

“Yay! Thank you very much, Yosuke! You hear that, Queen Elizabeth? Ooh, I can’t wait to meet you!~” Teddie rejoiced.

“You know she can’t meet _everyone_ that comes to London, right?...” Chie muttered. 

“I think it’s a great dream, Teddie,” Yu assured him. “And I believe you can do it if you try your best.”

“Oh Sensei,” Teddie sniffled. “You are too kind to this ol’ bear!” By this point, he had all but thrown his arms around Yu and was sobbing into his shoulder. “I’m really gonna miss you, Sensei…”

“Don’t worry Teddie, I’ll come back to visit as much as I can,” Yu consoled him. “Maybe I’ll even save up for the trip, too.”

“D-do you mean it, Sensei!? Promise!?” Teddie shouted, his tears already dry. ‘

Yu chuckled. “Sure, I promise.”

“W-well if Yu’s gonna go, I’ve gotta go too, right?” Yosuke reasoned. “I mean, we’re _partners_ after all, and what kind of partners don’t go on worldly adventures together?”

“ _Fine_ , Yosuke, but if we encounter a sidewalk too narrow for the three of us, I get to walk by Sensei _every_ time!”

“C-c’mon man…” Yosuke pouted. “How about we split it 40/60?...” 

“Num-bears are confusing, but I’ll allow it!” Teddie capitulated.

“H-hey, I wanna go too!” Rise argued. “Anywhere Senpai goes, I wanna be there~”

“What if we all go once we’ve graduated from high school? I mean, it's gotta be the best way to celebrate _ever_!" Chie beamed.

"Great idea, Chie!" Yukiko concurred.

"Yeah, this idea rocks! I'm gonna make so many plushies and keychains to make some extra cash for it," Kanji declared. 

"You all can entrust the travel arrangements to me," Naoto pledged. "I am certainly the most acquainted with traveling of everyone in the group."

"I look forward to it, everyone,” Yu nodded with a grin. 

Eventually, it came time to board the train, and he recalled how doggedly his friends had pursued the train at the platform to see them off. A lack of concrete plans aside, he was excited for all the adventures he had yet to share with his friends. 


	4. Mr. Brightside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yosuke and friends perform Mr. Brightside, but things go awry within Yosuke's mind as he thinks of what the song means to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got real self-indulgent real fast ^_O I (unintentionally) pulled an all-nighter writing this bad boy so hope it makes any sense at all, lol.
> 
> Give the song Mr. Brightside a listen (or put it on repeat) while you read!  
> The playlist is available on:  
> Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLmzflHr33Atdzmd38kpiBU3NcxQu5mu15  
> Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5AvHp91d4h72QBvKW6sA4P

When Yu made his way into his life, Yosuke was faced with something of a dilemma. He was positive he still liked girls and all, but he’d caught himself thinking about Yu in some pretty damning ways on far too many occasions. He couldn’t stop himself from noticing the tantalizing shape of his lips, the brilliance of the elusive smile they housed within, his own desperation to find out just how sweet his mouth tasted--all while knowing it should be so _easy_ to just direct that kind of attention at a girl instead. A girl like Rise, who he was absolutely _nuts_ for just months earlier, would do perfectly. He wasn’t a rabid Risette fanboy anymore like he was when she first came to Inaba, but still--he couldn’t ask for a better proxy to project his feelings of lust for his best friend onto, right? 

At first, his imagination did just fine for him--he could picture himself kissing her with all the heat and passion he had wanted to shower on Yu, hear himself suavely persuading her to come back to his place, and vividly imagine all the sexy things that every teenage boy could _dream_ of after convincing a girl to go home with you. 

Somehow, though it just wasn’t enough--time and time again, Rise’s flowing tresses ebbed into an impossibly charming bowl cut, her auburn eyes blanched into a much more striking silver, and her feminine figure transmogrified into a solid masculine frame that was undeniably Yu’s. It frustrated him to no end, and he could hardly repress the urge to _punish_ himself for it somehow. He had promised Yu that he would never deliberately hurt himself again, and he intended to keep that promise--but self-inflicted psychological distress was fair game, right?

He practiced a new, demented fantasy (if you could truly call it that) religiously, and soon, he found his feelings of lust being replaced with _jealousy_ . Yosuke wasn’t sure if the hot fuss his thoughts worked him into was _really_ a better alternative, but at least this was a feeling he felt comfortable coping with through music. And so, he took his new fixation and put it into a song. Soon enough, it was time to record it.

“If it’s just us boys playing today, does that make us a boy band?!” Teddie bubbled, his eyes sparkling excitedly.

“Uh, _no_ , Ted,” Yosuke replied with a playful bite in his words. 

“Yeah, I don’t think they’d ever let us in a boy band,” Kanji joked. “Boy bands are for pretty boys, not ugly mugs like us.” 

“H-hey, who’re you calling ugly?!” Yosuke protested indignantly. “And it’s not like it’s gonna be just us guys--Naoto should be here any minute.”

“O-oh, really? Well uh, how are we gonna do it if we don’t have the rest of girls here though?...” Kanji wondered. 

“D-don’t worry about that,” Yosuke explained, nervously ruffling the hair on the back of his head as he did. “We’ll have all the instruments we need covered, so I figured I didn’t wanna waste their time if we didn’t _need_ them, y’know?” 

He was grateful that Kanji hadn’t asked _why_ the other girls weren’t going to be here--that would’ve been a much more difficult question to answer. _‘Yeah uhhh, they aren’t here because this song is kind of about one of them and I would rather literally die than sing it in front of her, haha!’_

Yosuke was mercifully rescued from his discomfort by a knock at the door. “O-oh uh, that must be Naoto! Back in a flash!!”

“Hello, Yosuke-senpai,” Naoto greeted. “I apologize for the delay--I hope I haven’t kept you waiting for too long.”

“No problem at all, Naoto-kun!” Yosuke assured them. “Wanna head upstairs?”

“Sure, let’s go.”

After greeting one another, the friends wasted no time in beginning their recording session. Kanji took up his drumsticks with an eager grin. Teddie gingerly aligned his fingers with the frets of his bass, and Yosuke followed suit. 

“All right guys, you ready?” 

“Heck yeah, let’s _jelly!_ ” Teddie cried eagerly.

“What the hell does that mean?” Kanji asked with a look of bewilderment.

“Uh, I think you mean _jam_ , Ted,” Yosuke sighed. “I’m gonna count us in now, ‘kay?”

He pressed record and started to count. “One, two, three, four…”

**~ Begin listening to “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers on[Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/7oK9VyNzrYvRFo7nQEYkWN?si=c2408f6768c04a10) or [Youtube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2zUrruKjDQ) ~**

His guitar thrummed out a high-pitched riff--the same that would drone through each verse of the song, and Kanji joined him with a rapid-fire drumbeat when Yosuke started to sing:

 _Comin’ out of my cage_ _and I’ve been doin’ just fine._

 _Gotta, gotta be down_ _because I want it all._

Yeah, everything would be fine as long as he could lose himself in this demented daydream. If he couldn’t figure out how to cope with his messed up feelings, he was going to lose his freaking mind--or worse, his best friend. Teddie entered with a stepwise bassline as Yosuke continued:

_Started out with a kiss,_ _how did it end up like this?_

_It was only a kiss._

_It was only a kiss._

Why did he have to go and notice how soft Yu’s lips looked? Why did his mind have to torment him with a surreptitious wish to know how they tasted? Can’t his screwed up brain just _shut up_ about how deliciously sweet his tongue probably tastes? 

_Now I’m fallin’ asleep,_

_and she’s callin’ a cab,_

_while he’s havin’ a smoke,_

_and she’s taking a drag._

_Now they’re goin’ to bed,_

_and my stomach is sick,_

_and it’s all in my head_

_but she’s touching his chest now._

_He takes off her dress now._

_Let me go._

He’d choreographed each smoldering kiss, every lecherous caress with excruciating detail, knowing damn good and well he didn’t have any intention of letting go of the scene. 

Yosuke’s guitar crooned on as ushered by the crash of Kanji’s symbols, with Naoto weaving through Yosuke’s riff with syncopated pulses of chords from the synth and Teddie thrumming out a countermelody that cemented the sound. 

_I just can’t look,_ _it’s killing me_

_and taking control._

He said he just couldn’t look, but it was just the opposite--he couldn’t look _away_ no matter how hard he tried. He knew he’d brought this on himself--he had willingly crafted this special brand of torture, and now he was _trapped_ in his nightmarish reverie. 

_Jealousy, turning saints into the sea._

Who _was_ he jealous of? In this scenario, it was supposed to be Yu--not _Rise_ \--right? 

_Swimming through sick lullabies._

He kept singing and shredding on his guitar like his life depended on it, as if the music were damming the torrent of despair that threatened to pull him under. 

_Choking on your alibis._

How long could he keep this up before he inevitably tripped up and spilled his guts to Yu and all the world? 

_But it’s just the price I pay,_

_destiny is calling me._

That’s right--his anguish was the price for his perversion. He couldn’t be with another _man_ \--the whims of fate (or maybe just his own pride) would never allow it. 

_Open up my eager eyes_

_‘cause I’m Mr. Brightside._

This was the only way. He resolved to endure his agonizing fiction for as long as it took him to snuff out his truth, and he would do it with a goddamn _smile_. 

The synth blared out a bright, energizing melody, and Teddie followed Naoto’s lead with a steady pulse on the bass as Kanji pumped out a straight beat on the drums. Everyone seemed to be having a great time jamming out like this, but Yosuke felt his thoughts shifting somewhere even darker than before. Still, he had a song to sing, and he tried his best to focus on the task at hand.

_Comin’ out of my cage_ _and I’ve been doin’_ **_just_ ** _fine._

 _Gotta, gotta be down_ _because I want it all._

He _really_ leaned into the word 'just', as if everything _would_ be fine if he had enough conviction. 

_Started out with a kiss,_ _how did it end up like this?_

To Yosuke's surprise, the fantasy was changing--Rise’s form was becoming less defined by the moment, and soon Yu was left embracing nothing but a nebulous blob that only vaguely resembled a person.

_It was only a kiss._

God _damn_ , did he sound disheartened. He prayed his friends chalked it up to stylistic expression. 

_It was only a kiss._

The blob began to metamorphosize once again; it stretched to be a bit taller than Rise was, and Yosuke could see the idea of limbs begin to form. 

_Now I’m fallin’ asleep,_

The blob came into sharper focus--it was a person once again. 

_and she’s callin’ a cab,_

Slender legs that were inextricably entangled with Yu’s. 

_while he’s havin’ a smoke,_

A slight frame that was desperately writhing against his best friend. 

_and she’s taking a drag._

Wavy brown hair that Yu’s fingers were sensually combing through. 

_Now they’re goin’ to bed,_

Small brown eyes that were brimming with a lustful haze. 

_and my stomach is sick,_

Pretty lips that were slightly parted as she sucked in hitched breaths. 

_and it’s all in my head_

It was _Saki._

_but she’s touching his chest now._

_Saki_ was touching _Yu’s_ chest. 

_He takes off her dress now._

_Yu_ was taking off _Saki’s_ dress. 

_Let me go._

He was right, his stomach was physically sick to his stomach at the all-too familiar scene that was unfolding in front of him. He knew all too well what pure debauchery the two people he loved the most were about to partake in together, all at his psychological expense. 

_I just can’t look,_ _it’s killing me_

How could he even look Yu in the eyes after all this? If only he could turn his consciousness off long enough to end this living nightmare. 

_and taking control._

He’d give _anything_ to look away, but it felt like his brain was _broken_.

_Jealousy, turning saints into the sea._

He didn’t know who he was more jealous of anymore--more than anything, he was simply _disgusted_ with himself. 

_Swimming through sick lullabies._

He wasn’t swimming--he was drowning in a toxic sea of his own debauched envisage.

_Choking on your alibis._

He was crumbling--he could feel it. And he had no idea how to explain the inevitable fallout to his friends.

_But it’s just the price I pay,_

_destiny is calling me._

His price paid in suffering was not enough. It would never be enough--he would _always_ shoulder the burden of two loves that would never be. 

_Open up my eager eyes_

_‘cause I’m Mr. Brightside._

His eyes were eager to burst with tears, but he sang and strummed on in spite of his misery. 

_I never._

‘...guessed that Saki would die.’

_I never._

‘...thought I’d fall in love with my best friend.’ 

_I never._

‘...imagined this sick fantasy would get so out of hand.’

_I never._

‘...expected it would hurt so fucking much.’ 

Three final chords ripped through the air as Yosuke raked his pick against the strings. He prayed that the recording equipment didn’t pick up his ragged breaths as he choked back tears; everyone was deathly silent as they waited for the chord to finish ringing out. 

“Wowie, that was a bear-iffic jelly sesh, guys!” Teddie shouted as he leapt for joy. 

“Hell _yeah_ , it was! Nothin’ gets my blood pumpin’ like some hardcore drummin’!” Kanji exclaimed. 

“It was quite a rousing _jam_ session,” Naoto added, correcting Teddie as subtly as she could, then smiling. “I’m glad to have been a part of it.”

The three turned to Yosuke to gauge his satisfaction with their performance, but he said nothing at all. Kanji and Naoto could sense that Yosuke was incredibly tense, but Teddie wasn’t known for his social acuity. 

“ _Yooosukeeee,_ what’d you think?! Did we do bear-y good or what??”

“It was great, Ted,” Yosuke said flatly. “I think we got it in one take.” 

“S-sweet,” Kanji stammered. “Uh… sorry for askin’, but you doin’ alright?”

“Yes, I wanted to ask the same thing--you look very pale, Yosuke-senpai,” Naoto added. 

“I-I’m fine, think my lunch must’ve been bad or something,” he lied, although his stomach _was_ doing somersaults. “I think we’re done here, so you can head out. I’m gonna take a nap or something.”

“O-of course,” Naoto agreed. Figuring that he could use a little alone time, she hatched a plot to get Teddie out of the house. “Teddie, Kanji-kun, would you like to join me for some Topsicles?”

“Ooooh, yessiree, count Teddie in!” the bear cried excitedly. “See you later, Yosuke!”

“Feel better soon, senpai,” Kanji said as he made his way to the door.

“Get some rest, Yosuke-senpai. Please let us know if you need anything.”

“Thanks guys, I’ll be fine though,” he assured them with a brave smile. 

As soon as they were out the door, he turned off the lights and collapsed into a heap on his bed. He shoved his face in his pillow as he finally started to cry, desperately wishing that his tears could drown out the vision that had taken his eyes prisoner. He had no such luck; he pressed his face into the pillow with more force, until the soft surface smothered him comfortably. He laid like that for a long time, gasping hot breaths through the dense fabric, until he grew dizzy and the vision finally began to fade. He rolled over onto his back, the room spinning haphazardly around him, until he was finally embraced by sweet nothingness. 

It must have been the middle of the night when he finally came to, if the light snoring emanating from Teddie's makeshift bedroom was any indication. Yosuke was grateful to find that the vision had stopped playing back in his head. His performance and a bit of rest must have purged the dastardly images from his mind's eye, and he resolved to never think of the scene again. He was still exhausted, so he let his eyes fall shut once again, feeling comforted by the _nothingness_ he saw behind his eyelids. 

====================================================

Yu liked the song just as much as the last, but the overarching theme of angst was far from lost on him--he was really starting to worry about Yosuke. He’d wanted to wait until he got through the whole playlist to get in touch with him, but he couldn’t resist shooting him a text, even if it was just to say something nice to him. 

_ > Hey Yosuke, I love the album so far. You’re all so talented, but I think I like your songs the most. _

He tapped his fingers against his leg as he awaited his reply; luckily, he didn’t wait long.

_ >> haha thx prtnr, tht means alot 2 me. How’s train goin? _

Yu smiled at his phone--he had always been amused by Yosuke’s idiosyncratic texting habits. 

_ > The train is fine, the music definitely helps. How are you? _

_ >> Gud, jus chillin at the rivr. _

Yosuke had been very tempted to add “cuz I miss u” to the end of his message, but he decided against it with a wince. 

_ > We sure have a lot of memories there, it’s a special place. _

_ >> yea it is, rmbr when u beat th crap outta me ther lol _

_ > You did a number on me, too, haha. _

_ >> haha _

Yu thought about letting the conversation trail off there because he was afraid of weirding Yosuke out, but he tapped out another message in spite of himself.

_ > I couldn’t help but notice that some of your songs are pretty heavy. Sorry if it’s weird to ask, but are you doing okay? _

Yu felt a tight lump take up residence in his throat as he pressed send.

Meanwhile at the Samegawa, Yosuke was similarly distraught. “ _Shit_ , I _knew_ my songs were too much! Gah, what do I say to this?” He didn’t want to lie to Yu outright, but he knew that this was not a discussion to have over text. 

_ >> I’m ok rn, call me when u get hom ok? _

Yu breathed a sigh of relief. 

_ > Will do. Lov- _

He stopped himself short with a frantic gasp as he realized what he was absentmindedly keying in. He scrapped the draft entirely, then started a new message:

> _Will do. You’re special to me, Yosuke._

_ >> wtf Yu, u cant just say stuf lik tht!!! _

_ >> ugh, ur special 2 me 2 tho prtnr _

Yosuke was deeply grateful no one was around to see just how fiercely he was blushing. 

Yu grinned at his phone, his face just as pink as Yosuke’s was almost a hundred miles away. Contented, he pressed play and embarked on his musical odyssey once more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I would love some feedback, so please consider leaving kudos or a comment <3 Also, hit me up on tumblr or twitter (see my carrd) if you wanna chat about souyo or anything at all :3  
> https://lyndinjunes.carrd.co/
> 
> This chapter was very much inspired by this animatic (in fact, I hadn't even thought to include this song until I saw it); a big thank you to the creator! https://www.reddit.com/r/OkBuddyPersona/comments/jxut3a/mr_brightside/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3


	5. Pitter Patter Goes The Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nanako writes Yu a song about the rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen to Pitter Patter Goes The Rain by Christy Nockels (or put it on repeat) while you read!  
> The playlist is available on:  
> Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLmzflHr33Atdzmd38kpiBU3NcxQu5mu15  
> Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5AvHp91d4h72QBvKW6sA4P

Just as Yu had pressed play, a vicious clap of thunder boomed through the train car and practically made him jump out of his seat with a start. His thumb twitched and pressed pause as the train barreled toward a sheet of rain so thick you could see exactly where the precipitation would begin. He listened with bated breath as the massive drops barraged the flimsy roof like a hail of bullets above; he was a bit ashamed to find that his hands had flung up to instinctively protect his head, as if to defend himself from the sky’s deadly assault. 

Yu had come to fear and absolutely _despise_ the rain ever since the murders; in his eyes, rain and the inevitable fog that followed had come to serve as harbingers of untimely death. It didn’t begin to truly bother him until the murders had been solved, and he attributed his trepidation while the case was active to his understanding that any hesitation could prove deadly. Ironically, now that the true threat was gone, the sound of rain alone was enough to bring all the fear and anxiety he’d suppressed for _months_ bubbling to the surface. Apparently, it was also more than enough to make him quiver in fear--he was presently hugging his knees tightly to his chest and gasping in shallow breaths as sweat pooled on his brow like rainwater in a gutter. 

_‘The songs_ ,’ he recalled. ‘ _Listening to some music might calm my nerves.’_ He took a deep, cleansing breath as he stretched his legs out onto the floor in front of him. _‘You’re alright--just press play_.’ He found a focal point that kept any sight of the windows out of his peripheral, doggedly focusing his vision there as he thumbed the button.

“Hey, big bro! It’s my turn to sing for you! Everyone was really nice and helped me come up with the words.” 

Nanako’s voice was brighter than sunshine to Yu’s stormy mind, and the fear in his heart slowly began to melt away at the sound of her warmth. 

“I wanted to write a song that helped you feel better about the rain. You always seemed really scared whenever it would rain, and I wanted my song to remind you that rain can be really good!” 

And just like that, he was struck by a bolt of fear out of his mind’s anxious sky. Yu was conflicted--he really wasn’t sure if now was the best time to listen to this, but he was so eager to hear what kind of song Nanako had written for him that he forcefully swallowed his fear. 

**~ Begin listening to Pitter Patter Goes The Rain by Christy Nockels on[Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/3kSVocjUrpIOvpq0pkuo2g?si=5c1ee05d72504385) or [Youtube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmalBaQ9zD4) ~ **

Naoto started things off easily with a nice, open chord with all the quietude of a rainy afternoon beneath a soft staccato melody. 

Rise’s voice delicately rang out above the tranquility: 

_Pitter patter goes the rain,_

_boom boom goes the thunder._

_Pitter patter goes the rain,_

_boom boom goes the thunder._

Unfortunately, as soft as her singing was, it wasn’t enough to drown out the din of the storm even at max volume. Yu prayed that things would pick up so that he could lose himself and his fear to the soothing melody. As if to taunt him, the clouds let loose another deafening clap of thunder. Yu’s hands flew to his ears with a gasp of surprise in a futile attempt to block out the disquieting boom. 

_Pitter patter goes the rain,_

Teddie entered with a plucky, muted bassline that resounded like distant rolling thunderclaps. 

_boom boom goes the thunder._

_Pitter patter goes the rain,_

_boom boom goes the thunder._

Yu’s heart was still racing in his chest, but he was starting to feel less alone as more and more of his friends began to join in the song. To Yu’s unsettled mind, Teddie’s warm, bassy thrums were a cozy basement where Yu’s mind could take refuge from the storm. He took deep breaths in time with the rhythm, inhaling and exhaling with each count of 4. 

Then Yosuke joined in, his voice sounding especially decadent in the octave below Rise’s:

_Pitter patter goes the rain,_

And he played along with gentle, steady thrums on his guitar. 

_boom boom goes the thunder._

_Pitter patter goes the rain,_

_boom boom goes the thunder._

Honestly, it was a relief to hear Yosuke sing about something so light-hearted for once--all of his songs had been nothing short of angsty or even cynical. But now, his voice enveloped him like a warm blanket that kept the chill dampness of the saturated air at bay. Still, he didn’t dare to glance out the window at the stormy expanse before him for fear that the icy rain would make his blood run cold once more. 

At long last, Nanako chimed in with her small, angelic voice in a captivating duet with Rise:

_(Pitter patter goes the rain) Here I am_

_(Boom boom goes the thunder) look at me, I’m alright._

_(Pitter patter goes the rain) In the storm_

_(Boom boom goes the thunder) dancing to the rhythm of the rain._

Just then, the rain seemed to lighten ever so slightly, and Yu swore he saw flickers of sunlight filtering through tiny breaks in the black sheet of clouds above. Or maybe all of the layered voices and instruments were finally enough to filter out the hiss of the rain. Yu wasn’t sure, but he was more than happy to accept any sense of relief, real or imagined; he smiled as he reveled in the sweet sound of Nanako’s voice. 

_(Pitter patter goes the rain) Here I am_

_(Boom boom goes the thunder) look at me, I’m alright._

_(Pitter patter goes the rain) In the storm_

_(Boom boom goes the thunder) dancing to the rhythm of the rain._

They sang several easy refrains until Yukiko chimed in; sadly, the lyrics were unintelligible, but it still sounded lovely as she weaved in and out of Nanako’s and Rise’s parts, much like the steady wind through rain-battered trees that stretched across the countryside before him. 

He was surprised by the wave of calm that had washed over him unsuspectingly. _‘When did I start looking out the window?’_ Yu pondered.

_(Pitter patter goes the rain) Here I am_

_(Boom boom goes the thunder) look at me, I’m alright._

_(Pitter patter goes the rain) In the storm_

_(Boom boom goes the thunder) dancing to the rhythm of the rain._

Kanji tapped out a mellow, syncopated drum beat that pattered like mellow rain on the window in front of him. He suddenly recalled the rainy days he’d spent staring out the window at his family’s lonesome apartment--he remembered how he’d pretend each bead of water was a dear friend, and how he’d spend hours in the company of each drop as they raced each other down the cold glass. Maybe these raindrops could be his friends, too. 

To his surprise, even _Chie_ joined in with a pleasantly breathy echo of Nanako’s lyrics that rounded out their four voices beautifully:

_(Pitter patter goes the rain) Here I am_

_(Boom boom goes the thunder) look at me, I’m alright._

_(Pitter patter goes the rain) In the storm_

_(Boom boom goes the thunder) dancing to the rhythm of the rain._

If there was anything Chie was afraid of, it _had_ to be singing--for as long as Yu had known her, she insisted her singing voice was terrible and that she’d never, _ever_ do it for anyone. If Chie could push aside her fear about singing and allow her voice to be recorded in perpetuity, Yu was _certain_ he could muster the courage to face the rain for the rest of his days.

_(Pitter patter goes the rain) Here I am_

_(Boom boom goes the thunder) look at me, I’m alright._

_(Pitter patter goes the rain) In the storm_

_(Boom boom goes the thunder) dancing to the rhythm of the rain._

Their voices dropped out, leaving only Naoto, Teddie, and Kanji to fade into peaceful nothingness; so too did the rain begin to peter out as the brightening clouds parted and let the eager beams of sunlight smatter the drenched earth below. The rolling fields of the countryside had been drowned in shallow pools of rainwater that glimmered invitingly in the brightening daylight. He couldn’t help but imagine how much fun it would be to take Nanako puddle hopping next time he visited her. He imagined her bubbly giggles amongst a symphony of splashes, and he wondered if he could get his hands on a Detective Loveline raincoat with matching rainboots to surprise her with.

He smiled as stared dreamily out at the once-drowned world that glistened in the newborn sunlight; for the first time since the murders started, Yu actually missed the rain.


	6. Moona Festival

**i. The Summer Festival**

The night after they’d perused the festival grounds with all of their friends, Yu gave Yosuke a call. 

“Hey, partner,” Yosuke said. “What’s got you calling me so late?”

“W-well, um…” Yu began with a stammer. Wait—did he actually sound _nervous_ , or was Yosuke imagining it? “I was wondering if you’d like to go back to the festival with me tomorrow?”

Unbeknownst to Yosuke, his guess was absolutely right. Yu was nervous as _hell_ to be asking him. He was more or less asking him on a _date_ after all, but it didn’t have to be a _true_ date; all he wanted was to create a special moment to share with Yosuke, even if it was just as friends. 

“Uh, are you sure you wanna go with _me_ , Partner? I mean, I’m pretty sure any _girl_ you’d ask would say yes in a heartbeat, dude. You don’t have to settle for me.” 

“It’s not settling, Yosuke,” Yu assured him sternly; then, his voice shrank to a coy hush. “I _want_ to go with you.”

“Hehe, that’s pretty sweet of you, dude.” He said with a wink that Yu could hear through the phone. “But you’ve gotta tell me if this is all because you’ve got some huge crush on me or something, okay?”

Yu let out a puff of air in surprise, and his heart began to race wildly in his chest. “Um, n-no, of course not,” he sputtered. “I just want to spend some quality time with my partner.”

Yeah, right—he’d had an insurmountable crush on Yosuke for _months_ now, and he only prayed that he could pass off wanting to spend the second day of the festival with him as “bro time” or something. Had Yosuke really seen through him so easily? 

“Alright, alright, I won’t make you beg,” he ribbed. “I’ll meet you there tomorrow evening, ‘kay?”

“Sounds great. Thanks, Yosuke,” he said, trying hard not to sound as giddy as he felt. “Goodnight.”

“G’night, partner!”

True to their word, they met at the shrine the next evening, just as the evening sun began to nuzzle at the treeline. 

“Hey, partner!” Yosuke beamed as Yu approached him. “Wanna go make a wish?” 

Yu nodded cheerfully. 

“What are you wishing for, Yosuke?” Yu asked, standing close beside him before the shrine. 

“Hmm, things are pretty good for me now, so… I think I’m just gonna wish for you to be good when you miss us,” he said with a sad glance to the side. “Y’know, after you go back to the city.” 

Just saying so was enough to make the light-hearted atmosphere noticeably heavier; Yosuke’s heart began to sink at the sight of Yu’s face as it darkened ever so slightly. 

“Gah, what am I saying?!” he remarked as he slapped his palm against his forehead with a wince. “Classic Yosuke with my foot-in-mouth syndrome… I really shouldn’t be talking about depressing stuff like that. I’m sorry, Partner.”

“It’s okay, Yosuke,” Yu assured him, his face brightening back up. “It just means that we have to make the most of the time we have together—that’s why I’m going to wish to be closer to you.”

At first, Yosuke thought he was kidding, but there was such an earnest look in his eyes that there was simply _no way_ he wasn’t completely serious. Yosuke felt his face get a bit hot as he soaked in Yu’s warm smile and positively rosy cheeks.

“Ah um…” he cleared his throat nervously. 

Did Yu… _like him_ ? It was a confusing idea to consider, but he surprised himself with how the thought didn’t _totally_ freak him out. He wished he could say something heartfelt in return, but he felt like he had no right words to say. 

“Th-thanks, partner.” 

Having made their wishes, they made their way back to the main festival grounds to hit up all the stands once again. Yu made a deliberate effort to walk a bit more closely to Yosuke than he had before—Yosuke didn’t pull away when their shoulders brushed one another’s, and it was enough to make the butterflies in Yu’s stomach dance like mad. 

“Hey, you there!” a vendor cried out sharply with a point in their direction. 

Yosuke looked in his direction with an incredulous glance. “Wh-who, me?”

“Yeah, _you—_ aren’t you that Junes manager’s son?” he glowered. “You and your daddy damn near ran my candy shop out of business.” 

Yosuke felt his blood start to run hot in his veins. “Wh-what the hell?! That’s not... I mean—”

He knew he needed to defend himself, but he found himself at a loss of words all over again as he sputtered with rage. It’s not like it was _his_ fault! God damn it, why couldn’t his mind and his mouth cooperate for once?!

Seeing Yosuke overcome with frustration, Yu took a bold step in front of him. “That’s his dad’s fault, not his. If there’s anyone you should be angry at, it’s his father.” His tone was firm, yet overflowing with warmth and grace. “Don’t speak to him that way _ever_ again.” 

“Yu…” Yosuke sighed, his anger driven out by awe. If there was anyone he could depend upon to defend him, to make _sense_ of him when he couldn’t make sense of himself, it was his partner. 

“O-oh, um... I suppose you’re right,” the vendor admitted apologetically. “Here,” he said, holding a candied apple out to Yosuke. “This one’s on the house—you and your boyfriend can share it.” 

“Um, th-thank you,” he muttered. 

Wait— _boyfriend_?! 

Yosuke knew he should have said something; he should’ve told him that he had the wrong idea, but once again, the words wouldn’t come. He felt like a helpless rabbit, twice caught by a baffling internal conflict. He could feel that his mind and his heart were at odds with one another—but _why_?

Yu was surprised and downright _flattered_ that Yosuke hadn’t corrected the vendor. He smiled once again, and he could tell that this was the brightest smile he’d flashed Yosuke all evening. How _couldn’t_ he smile? To him, he finally had a concrete reason to hold out hope that Yosuke could _finally_ feel the same as he did, and that was more than enough to make his heart skip a dangerous number of beats. 

Yu’s tender gaze wasn’t lost on Yosuke, and his face went hot for the far-too-many-th time that evening. Eager to hide the heat in his cheeks, he took a massive chomp out of the candied apple, then handed it off to Yu. 

“Wahha go shee soh otfuh shuff, pahnuh?” he muttered, his words muffled by a massive mouthful of candied apple. 

“Sure, partner,” he said before taking a bite out of the other side.

They perused the stalls again, making sure to hit up some of their personal favorites from the evening before; by the time they finished, the sun had sunk lowly enough to kiss the horizon, leaving room for the moon to slowly take its place as the light of the sky. 

“Well, I think we’ve milked this festival for all it’s worth,” Yosuke said decidedly. “Plus it’s getting kinda late.”

“Yeah, it is,” Yu agreed, turning to Yosuke with another heartfelt smile. “Can I see you off to your house? I could go for a nice walk at the Samegawa,” Yu suggested.

“Y-yeah, that sounds good!” Yosuke exclaimed, more eagerly than he was anticipating. He was just as glad as Yu was that they had found an excuse for them to spend just a while longer together in the waning light of the sun. 

**ii. Walk Next to the Park** ****

On their stroll, Yosuke looked to the riverbank and thought of the countless hours they’d passed there together. In his eyes, the riverbed was one of the few places he could find peace in the madness that had taken hold of Inaba. There were only the quiet gurgles of the river against the placid silence, and enough fish in the waters to count them all day by Yu’s side.

Yu looked on as Yosuke got lost in his reverie, silently admiring the glow of his skin in low rays of the sinking sun. His lush lashes cast mild shadows across his eyes, but they didn’t darken the nostalgic glimmer housed within them. Yu wished with all his that he could hold onto this moment—hold onto Yosuke in all his golden resplendence—forever and ever. 

“Man, we’ve got lots of memories around here, don’t we?” he asked, still looking toward the river as it shimmered in the sunset. 

He thought of the day he’d brought Yu to talk along the riverbank while he was at his lowest point—the day he’d helped him set free all his sadness about losing Saki. He remembered the way he’d held him as he wept; it was embarrassing at the time, but so much more comforting than Yu would ever know. A tiny part of Yosuke wished he could find a good excuse to have Yu hold him again. 

“Yeah, we do have lots of memories here,” Yu agreed, startling Yosuke out of his reverie. 

As soon as Yosuke turned his head, he was absolutely dumbstruck by the look of pure admiration on Yu’s face. His silver eyes sparkled in the waxing moonlight, as he gave Yosuke an absolutely dazzling smile. At this moment, _everything_ was dazzling about Yu Narukami, and it was enough to make Yosuke’s head spin. 

“All of them are so special to me,” he said, shyly staring at the ground with a small smile. Suddenly, he lifted his eyes to meet Yosuke’s with the utmost tenderness. “ _You’re_ special to me, Yosuke.” 

Yosuke stared at him, his jaw slackened and eyes blown open wide in bewilderment. Was this… a _confession_? 

Yosuke had accepted the fact that he _possibly_ wanted it to be, but at the same time, he simply couldn’t believe it. Yosuke had stepped foot in the cage of his own mind—a place so prone to overthinking that he could hardly think straight at all. Why would Yu be interested in _him_ of all people? The outcast, the “Prince of Disappointment”, the ill omen of all things Junes—why would he want _him_? This had to be some sort of dumb, elaborate joke he was playing on him. 

There was no _way_ this was really happening. There was no way he’d somehow deserved Yu’s love. 

“C’mon dude... You _know_ you could do better than me, so just cut it out,” Yosuke glowered with an incongruent blush. “Stop messing with me.” 

Yu’s bright, hopeful expression darkened in an instant. He looked more heartbroken than someone who was just pulling a joke would look in this situation, but Yosuke still couldn’t buy it, no matter how _desperately_ wanted to.

“Yosuke, I… I _do_ mean it, I swear,” he assured, his voice cracking slightly as he spoke. 

His insistence only seemed to agitate Yosuke more, if the way he huffed and whipped his head back around to look at the river once again was any indication. 

Why wouldn’t Yosuke believe him? Couldn’t he see the way Yu had been _looking_ at him all night? And for the last several _months_ , for that matter? Hadn’t he noticed how Yu prioritized his time with Yosuke above any of his other friends? More than anything, he was just so _devastated_ that Yosuke had so little faith in Yu and himself that he would write this off as some sort of twisted joke. Yu had laid his heart at Yosuke’s feet, only to feel like it had been stomped on in return. As much as it stung, Yu knew that it was best to back off for now, or they’d have an altercation on their hands. 

“I just meant that… you’re special to me as a friend. I’m sorry if that was weird to say…” he murmured with his eyes squeezed shut. 

Yosuke let out a heavy sigh. “It’s fine, partner,” he muttered. “Let’s just forget it happened.” 

“...Yeah, let’s do that,” Yu said gloomily, his eyes cast down at the ground. 

Yosuke gave Yu an assessing glance, wincing as he found nothing but sadness lingering in his once-hopeful eyes. “You can head home, dude—you look pretty tired. I’ll be fine the rest of the way.” 

“Yeah, I am pretty tired,” Yu agreed as he turned around. “Goodnight, Yosuke.” 

Twilight was over, and night was upon them; the sun had vanished from the sky, chased away by the overzealous moon. Yu missed the warmth of Yosuke’s company as he sauntered hopelessly through the frigid moonlight, fearing that his wish at the shrine would never come true.

As he made his way home, Yosuke felt more and more like a jackass with each step. He knew he could have reacted to his confession (if that’s what it really was) a _lot_ better, but what was he supposed to say when he still hadn’t really figured out how he felt? 

When he got home, he flopped onto his bed with a sigh and flipped his phone open; he knew he owed Yu an apology.

> _Hey, Im rly srry abt how I jus treated u. I was a real ahole abt it._

Yu replied a few moments later. 

>> _Don’t worry about it. Let’s just put it behind us._

Yosuke was glad Yu had agreed to put it behind them, but he still felt incredibly guilty.

> _Thx man. gnite prtnr_

Yu didn’t reply. 

In a lot of ways, they did manage to pretend the night had never happened, but neither could scrub its memory from their minds completely. Yu’s hopes of ever being anything more than platonic partners with Yosuke had been all but dashed. Had he come on too strong? Was Yosuke going to be secretly weirded out by him forever? Even so, he couldn’t just let go of his feelings for Yosuke. Just as the moon couldn’t glow without the light of the sun, Yu could know no joy without Yosuke’s companionship; and so, he was content to be friends, no matter how terribly it made his heart ache. 

Yosuke, on the other hand, was at war with himself over the choice he’d made that night. Did Yu really want to be with him as… more than friends? Did Yosuke truly even _want_ that? This was the person he’d relied on in his darkest moments; in all honesty, Yosuke was afraid he wouldn’t be able to fend off his inner darkness once Yu was gone. He was afraid his little habit of self-resentment would crop up again, that the little nightmare of Saki’s memory would haunt his dreams again— that he’d get lost in the maze of his own darkened mind all over again, and Yu wouldn’t be there to lead him out again. He knew he was practically drunk for Yu’s affection, but did that mean he wanted his _love_ ? He knew there was no way he deserved _either_ at this rate. 

If he were honest with himself, he knew had an incredibly deep, almost _celestial_ connection with Yu. In a way, they were something like the sun and the moon-- they were always meant to share the heavens, but only in the liminal sky of an all-too fleeting twilight. Yu would be leaving sooner than Yosuke wanted to admit, and Yosuke didn’t know if his feeble hands were capable of holding the heart of the moon once it left this backwater solar system. 

After the festival, it took Yosuke ages to drum up lyrics and a melody that captured all of his inner turmoil. He needed a sound that was just as perplexing as Yosuke found his feelings to be, and words that captured every conflicting thought while leaving room for a bit of faith on Yu’s end. He _needed_ Yu in some inexplicable way— but did he need him as a friend, or as something more? Maybe he could think more clearly about all this if his head hadn’t been completely shook up by the nonsense of the murders. 

Even now, as he wrote and recorded his final song, he just wasn’t sure what he wanted; he wished on every star in the known universe that it wouldn’t be too late for them by the time he’d finally made up his mind. 

**iii. Don’t Let It Be Too Late**

Unlike all of the others, there was no preamble for this track. Yu wondered why, but it wasn’t about to stop him from listening; he took a cleansing breath and pressed play. 

**~ Begin listening to Moona Festival by Polyenso on[Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/1klwjbeN5WHSLtEzbviKcr?si=7c9ce694cfae4453) or [Youtube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiAVfLYNoVM) ~ **

He was gently enveloped by the warmth of the chords rolling off of the keys, and a sense of peace washed over him. There was something so grounding and down-to-earth about the sound as it resonated into the empty space between keystrokes, and something so other-worldly about the synthetic instrument layered above. 

It was as if the impossible combination of warm sunshine and bracing moonlight had been married by the ethereal tune. Yu had been set adrift in outer space by the waves of sound, basking in the blinding brilliance of the sun and encircling the Earth as the tide of the song pulled the synthetic melody back and forth between each of his earbuds. 

He had never heard this song in his life—and still, there was something so incredibly nostalgic about it. The piano’s chord progression changed, and the synth slowly faded into nothingness, only to trickle into the hollow sound like twinkling stars breaking through the black of an empty sky. With a kick of the drum, Yosuke finally began to sing. 

_Be good when you miss us,_

_step foot in the cage._

“Be good when you miss us,” he’d said— Yu smiled, knowing that it meant Yosuke had remembered their time together at the shrine. 

_Twice caught like a rabbit,_

_no right words to say._

He wasn’t expecting Kanji to harmonize with Yosuke and Teddie, but their voices interlocked perfectly. Still, there was something disquieting about the words Yosuke was singing.

_Be good little habit,_

_get lost in the maze._

_Set free all my sadness,_

_hold onto me now._

He wanted to be a guiding light for him when he needed it most, to gently cradle him in his arms like he had at the Samegawa until he felt whole again. 

_Hold onto me now._

There was something so tender, yet so _desperate_ about Yosuke’s voice in this lyric that nearly brought Yu to tears. 

_Hold onto the feeling,_

_give warmth, give me grace._

_Make sense of me partner,_

_make reason for faith._

Had Yu really been able to give Yosuke all of those things? As much as Yu hated to doubt him, he worried if Yosuke would be able to make his own reasons for faith now that he had left. 

_Be good little nightmare,_

_hold onto me now._

He cursed himself that he couldn’t be there to fend off his nightmares, to help him sort out his thoughts, and to share the burden of his darkness every waking moment. 

_Hold onto me now._

He wanted to reflect the brilliant sunlight of Yosuke’s soul back at him when he couldn’t see it for himself— to be a beacon of light in Yosuke’s darkest nights. 

_Hold onto me now._

He’d do anything to hold onto him, just as he’d asked—as he _demanded_. 

  
  


_In my head there’s this place_

_shook up by the nonsense._

‘It’s only natural to feel shook up after everything we’ve been through,’ Yu thought. 

_Don’t let it be too late_

The raw edge of Yosuke’s voice burned in Yu’s ears— _was_ it too late for? 

_There’s a hole in my pocket,_

_less money to waste._

Even if they could make it work—if Yosuke even _wanted_ that—train tickets weren’t cheap. 

_Less money to waste._

Could they really be together as the distance between them pried them apart? 

_Walk next to the park,_

_count fish all day._

_I’m drunk for your love_

He’s… _what?_

_Stop messing with me._

He felt his heart stutter in his chest, as if it couldn’t decide if it wanted to race out of control or stop altogether. 

_Stop messing with me._

He was even more insistent the second time. He still didn’t believe Yu’s love was true—he _still_ thought he’d been messing with him all along. 

The synth buzzed about his ears like a fly on rotting flesh. The melody, once enthralling and sublime, was a stark reminder of how horrifically lost he felt in the galaxy of his own mind. The light of his sun was gone, stolen by the impassible lightyears between them. 

He was completely torn up inside from listening to all of Yosuke’s tracks, realizing they were all wrought in anguish—some of which _Yu_ had caused him. He knew now that Yosuke had probably felt the same all along, but being together was a hopeless dream all the same. No matter how desperately Yu tried to show him, Yosuke had deluded himself into believing that he would never be worthy of his love; he couldn't see it, he couldn't feel it, and he would _never_ believe in it. Even if Yu could muster the courage make him _hear_ his love, it was too late for them to be together—too late for them to even _try_. He felt heartbroken for both Yosuke and himself, and he felt that there was _nothing_ he could do to mend their shattered, pining hearts. 

He just couldn’t take it anymore. 

At the zenith of his sadness, the Moon couldn't help but weep for the Sun that had fallen out of his sky. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you SO much for reading--I hope it was worth the wait! You can follow me on twitter or tumblr @lyndinjunes for updates on this and my other works :)
> 
> Kudos, comments, and ko-fis are much appreciated <3


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